my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Success! We fucked roommates!
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