apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
