You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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