Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Randomize
