Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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