If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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