i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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