I'm so fucking centered right now
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
