Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
