Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
