nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
