he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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