I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Randomize
