OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
would you consider him our boss?
then technically i slept with our boss
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.