why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
