My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
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yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
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Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.