Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
27 Parents Confess Shocking Secrets Their Kids Don’t Know
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.