I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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