Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
I could fuck to npr.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.