He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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