Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money