Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms