Plan B is the new Plan A
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.