I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
