i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Randomize
