I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I just found puke in my bra..
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
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