I think i peed on brittanys purse
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
