i just wanna soil my oats bro
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
