An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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