Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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