i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
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