i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Randomize
