The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize