I just gift wrapped bread.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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