There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
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