WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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