Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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