If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Randomize
