Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
