I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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