omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
