you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
