when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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