You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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