dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
