dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
