from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Randomize
