like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Mom said you looked used
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
