I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Also, beer. Big fan.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
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