he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
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