He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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