if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
