How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Life is so much better after having sex.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
