My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
