drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
