Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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