You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
