We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
