I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
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