I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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