I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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