I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
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I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
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I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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