I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
