I think i sorta joined a cult last night
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
false alarm, still single
Randomize
