He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
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