Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
