Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
