Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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