if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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