I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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