is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
