becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Randomize
