the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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